Corona Virus Reaches Mayberry

     Corona Virus has hit the timeless town of Mayberry, North Carolina, situated in the shadow of Mount Pilot. The townspeople all react to the situation in different ways.

     Sheriff Andy, in his wisdom, weighs out the situation. Truly caring for his citizens, he recommends the lock down. He strongly believes in the Constitution and realizes he cannot tell people what to do in their own yards. His responsibility is the town and its citizens. Reluctantly, he closes down every other non-essential business in Mayberry.

     His first line of defense is a medical team:  Pharmacist Ellie Walker,  and Dr. Thomas Peterson, who is fairly new to town. Not everyone trusts him, but Andy does. That means a lot to most townspeople, but not all. Suspicion abounds.

     Opie and his pals are pulled out of school. Mrs. Crump sends work home for the kids once a week. The teacher actually defies the order to stay home. She bravely decides to set out, throws off her heels, puts on some sturdy leather boots and hikes up the mountain to reach a few outlying farms where children need their lessons.

     Churches and quilting parties are suspended until further notice. With all this extra time on her hands, Aunt Bee, already a domestic goddess, sets out to learn how to cook Chinese and Mexican food. Andy was getting a little tired of pot roast and meatloaf anyway. Wanting to bake bread, Aunt Bee heads to the market to find that yeast and flour cannot be found. She gets in her car and heads out as far as fifty miles away, but each store has fewer and fewer supplies. Always prepared, she’s had extra toilet paper in the back of the pantry, but just for fun, she checks out the paper-goods aisle at every stop. No toilet tissue. Anywhere. One month later, strands of her hair are out of place and she misses her church services and social clubs. She doesn’t remember the last time she wore a bra.

     Andy ordered the closure of the barber shop as well. His hair is getting a little straggly but he learns to deal with it. Desperately needing funds, Floyd starts to sell pot out of the back of the shop, always managing to steer clear of Deputy Barney Fife who is diligently patrolling the streets.

     The jail is shut because only the most violent offenders will be put behind bars. Since everyone is essentially a prisoner in their homes, that means there is no violent crime and nobody's been arrested. Dust is gathering on the cots. The door hinges are rusty. Otis Campbell has nowhere to sleep it off. Bars are closed anyway, but Otis still manages to grab a bottle from the tiny liquor store just out of town. Barney finds him snoozing in a corner, tells him to move along, and being the sweet sot he is, Otis stumbles home. His budding ice-cream business is considered non-essential and there’s no money coming in at all. Nine months later he and Mrs. Campbell welcome twins, delivered at home. Thank goodness Ellie was dropping off Mrs. Campbell's anxiety medication. The lady-druggist assisted in the babies’ births.

     Gomer and Goober are considered essential, although nobody’s driving through town. The Blue Ridge Parkway is locked up tight, so no tourists. There’s an occasional vehicle that needs maintenance. Gomer, a former Marine, has been cleaning and greasing his gun, just to be prepared. His National Guard Unit is called up and he’s sent to California. Nobody knows why. Meanwhile, in neighboring Virginia, the governor wants to ban rifles.

     Pretty Ellen Brown, a talented nail technician is banned from doing manicures. Although out of work, she does her magic and finds creative ways to make a buck. With that money, she buys a ticket on the last bus out and moves to Harper Valley.

     The streets of Mayberry are almost empty. Barney Fife, devoted deputy, is beginning to show signs of psychosis. Like a sheepdog without sheep, a dog without a job, he’s quickly becoming a menace to society. Sheriff Taylor assigns him to the farms of the outlying areas within Mayberry’s jurisdiction. Andy tells his sidekick to make sure that the farmers are self-isolating. He knows they are, but is desperate to get Barney out of his hair (which is down to his collar by this point). He advises Barney to make his own policy and sets the officer to work.

     As Barney drives off, Andy watches a truck unloading at the pharmacy. Minutes later, Thelma Lou runs out with a box of masks.  Aunt Bee is laughing in hysterics as she leaves the shop. She’s scored a six pack of toilet paper. Opie wavers through the alley adjacent to Floyd’s Barber Shop. The young man’s brain is as cloudy as the smoke that surrounds his head.

    Andy decides to take Opie fishing, just like the old days. Walks to the fishing hole and catches a few, watching with interest as Barney tickets a lone man in a motor boat. His crime? Operating the motor boat during quarantine. The man’s family goes hungry that night.

    Farmers Flint and Pruitt start their seedlings early. Their greenhouses are full and they’re ready to sell what they have. They meet at their fence line, six feet apart of course. They talk about the weather, crazy people in town and feeding the families of Mayberry and beyond, in places like Mount Pilot and Charlottesville. They are expecting Helen Crump, Floyd, Ellie and Aunt Bee to buy some tomato plants that weekend for their small backyard gardens. Barney drives up the lane and demands the farmers, ALL farmers in the region, shut down. He locks up the greenhouses. He spouts that flowers are non-essential, even for Easter. The men get their overalls in a knot and argue that they’re mainly selling vegetable plants. These produce food, which is essential. Barney accuses them of being un-American racists. The farmers protest downtown, driving their tractors by the barbershop, pharmacy, the shuttered bank, town hall (where the mayor is hiding) and lastly the police station. Andy is out. There’s a matter at home that needs his attention.

     Aunt Bee has had a mental breakdown and Andy’s debating whether he should take her to the small, local clinic. Doc Peterson has tested positive for Covid 19. Conspiracists feel vindicated accusing him of bringing the virus into Mayberry, via smuggled vials. Nurse Oakley has run out of gloves and clean masks. Thelma Lou bought the last shipment - the entire case.  Local citizens are showing symptoms. Ten people came in sicker than dogs. Most were later sent home, but two are in the little country hospital’s ICU. The outbreak is tracked down to Jim Lindsey and his honky-tonk band, who’d just returned from a world tour. Jim later passes from complications and is mourned by the music industry, yet housewives and diabetes patients are succumbing one-by-one in the surrounding regions—and nobody mourns for them. Funerals are prohibited.

     The honorable and beloved Reverend Hobart Tucker wants to comply with the stay-at-home orders, but also wants to spiritually feed his little flock of believers. He urges people to come the following Sunday to receive the word via the church parking lot, to remain in their cars. He erects a podium and speaks to the people via a bullhorn. Medical personnel, towns people and farmers from all over Mayberry gather. The reverend hands out cases of food to hungry families. Barney arrives, hands out tickets and arrests Reverend Tucker. The jail is locked, and Barney is forced to let this hardened criminal loose on the streets.

     The farmers can’t sell their dairy and eggs. They can’t give them away at the church meetings.  Their products are dumped into a ravine and months later people in the surrounding small towns go hungry.

     Everyone agrees with Andy, quarantine is best. A few otherwise sensible citizens are hoarding. Most people agree what is and is not essential, but some things just aren’t adding up. As their stomachs ache, citizens grow distrustful.

     The streets are virtually empty, day and night, except for Ernest T. Bass who is running the streets, giggling like a mad-man, drooling, peering in windows. Month after month, night after night, one by one there are others lurking in the shadows. The townspeople, as well, are slowly losing their minds.